Talked with Dr S yesterday

Not just about the knee and how to treat it, but what this whole thing is doing to me.

9 years ago a calcified disc between two vertebrae collapsed, needed surgery to fix it.  I adjusted to my limitations after the back surgery.  I didn’t like the fact that dancing, both teaching and performing, was no longer possible. It hurt, as I loved it.  But I adjusted. I took up photography again, and could go out whenever and where ever.

But this. Even trying to type this out, I’m trying not to lose it again. I hate this.  The not being able to do even what i used to do. I can’t even go for a walk in the park because it just hurts too much (bone on bone grinding leaves me gasping in pain sometimes). More than once, I have finished cooking dinner by resting my elbows on the counter to hold myself up.  I am so tired all the time. I also find myself crying, not just because the knee hurts, but from frustration, but because I feel I am a burden and a disappointment.

Dr S understood, was very compassionate, and told me that chronic pain/inability to do usual activities is very wearing on the body and spirit, and how I felt was normal. 

Here’s hoping the 2nd round of SYNVISC will give me longer good result.

Advertisements

About Sandra

Passenger on a blue marble, circling yellow star. Dancer, astronomer, technogeek, coffee lover, pagan, photographer.. not necessarily in this order.
This entry was posted in Every Day Life, Health and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s