The news no one wants

As much as a gut punch the news was, I would rather be informed than get blind sided.  Cancer fucking sucks.

It came back with a vengeance. My stepfather is in hospice, palliative care only.  He has made the decision of pain management only, no feeding tubes, no machines, no heroic measures.

I’m.. confused at how I feel.

Part of me is ‘dad is dying’, and it’s a kick to the gut.  He was the ONLY one who comforted me when my sister died, at the wake.  If it hadn’t been for him, I would have lost my eldest son to drowning, and not have 4 beautiful grandchildren.

The other part… angry that he’s giving in, because my mother, although with a few creaking joints, is in good health, she needs him.  I know she is a tough old gal, but she needs him.

Yet another part is relieved because I know he’s been fighting cancer for decades and he is TIRED.  So very tired. And he deserves to rest on his own terms.

Cancer fucking sucks.

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About Sandra

Passenger on a blue marble, circling yellow star. Dancer, astronomer, technogeek, coffee lover, pagan, photographer.. not necessarily in this order.
This entry was posted in Every Day Life, Family, Health and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to The news no one wants

  1. John Samuel says:

    I’m sorry to hear this, and it’s OK to be confused about how you feel right now. And as you say: cancer sucks.

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