It takes a specialist

To see a specialist?

For 19 years I have been asking 4 different GPs to please get my records from Dr R, an endocrinologist in Florida regarding my hypothyroidism, and how it was being successfully treated in the U.S.   4 different GPs, and all I got was hemming and hawing, and my weight going up and up and up, no matter what I did.

I kept food diary for a month. 

It wasn’t believed. 

I wore a pedometer for a month. 30k steps per day on average.  But still, I could get no where with my GPs to prescribe me the medication that Dr R did, or even contact Dr R for my records (I had signed a release form, so that couldn’t have been the problem)

Today, after a consult with my osteo surgeon, Mr S.,  regarding bariatric surgery. I told him that I had been under the knife for the past 4 years in one way or another.  I want a gap year.  There is also the fact that I have FND, and surgery could start triggering it again.  Also, I have a history of anorexia. Turning me into an instant anorexic by get gastric sleeving done isn’t a great idea.

So, I told him about Dr R, the endocrinologist in Florida.  I told Mr S the above history with my GPs, and he said again, this just won’t do!  I get to fast, and get a Thyroid function test, not just testing to see if I have the Thyroxine in me.  Will also get a BGL test, too.  Once those results are in, I will be FINALLY seeing an endocrinologist!


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I tried

I tried to take the dress I wore during Keito’s last moments with me out of the closet to wash.  Even after a month, it smelled like him, and I just burst into tears.  I couldn’t do it. I held it to my face, and could smell him. The tears just started rolling. Typing this through salty goggles right now.

I can’t bring myself to wash it, just like i can’t bring myself to wash the blankets I made a bed out of for him. 

I miss him. 

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I miss you.

I miss you. I catch myself watching and waiting for you to come out of your hidey-hole in the closest.  Or waiting for you to come into the bathroom when I’m ‘busy’, to demand pats and pets. Looking for you in the window, ‘solar charging’.

I miss the feel of your light landing on the bed, and the delicate way you would start walking up my foot, ankle, leg, hip, side, to sit on my arm/shoulder to bat and paff me on the cheek, or nose. Or to gently bite my cheek, purring so hard. 

I miss you peeking at me over the curtain, meowing because it was “Time to eat!”.  I miss that when you were standing at the side door, you would look at my reflection, right into my eyes, and know that was me, meow to be let out to sit on your cushion. I miss you knocking on the door to be let back in.  I miss you meeping at me when I said “Echo, bedroom light on” thinking I was talking to you.

I miss how you never left my side when I was sick, or would stay with me after I got home from being at the hospital, and how you would let me ‘cry in your fur’ when I was down.

I miss you in a myriad of small ways, that has left a hole in me, that will take a long time to heal.

I miss you.



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I am seriously torn between which photo raw editing program to use, that isn’t Adobe.

I love On1 PhotoRaw, but the stand alone has problems that seem to crop up with every iteration since before it was name for years (aka on1 2018, 2019 etc etc) 

With the latest version, On1 PhotoRaw 2020, when using it as a stand alone, my graphics tablet is almost unusable with the local adjustment brushes. At first I thought it was because I was watching a video on 2nd monitor, so I shut that down. And I made sure nothing else was playing/running other than ordinary computer programs.

The second the stylus tip touched the tablet, not only did the cursor move glacially slow, if at all, but the program would have the “Not Responding” in the program window frame. When that vanished, SOMETIMES what I was trying to do succeeds, but more often than not, I end up with some weird brush stroke adjustment somewhere it doesn’t belong.

That being typed, if I use On1 PhotoRaw 2020 as a PLUGIN with Photoshop, I don’t get those horrible slow downs.  But having to the the Raw adjustments, then punt the JPG into Photoshop, shut down On1, only to launch it as a plugin isn’t a very efficient workflow

DxO PhotoLab 3 standalone.  About the same price to buy/upgrade as On1.  And I am sad to say that I can do all the adjustment brushes I want without it turning  my computer into an 8088.  I might not have all my nifty presets and custom brushes in it (yet) but performance-wise, it’s much better than On1 2020 Standalone.

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This has got to be one of the most bogus scam I’ve seen

Hey, I know your password is: 9041

I haven’t used a 4 character password ever.

Your computer was infected with my malware, RAT (Remote Administration Tool), your browser wasn’t updated / patched, in such case it’s enough to just visit some website where my iframe is placed to get automatically infected, if you want to find out more – Google: “Drive-by exploit”.

More bullshit.

My malware gave me full access and control over your computer, meaning, I got access to all your accounts (see password above) and I can see everything on your screen, turn on your camera or microphone and you won’t even notice about it.


I collected all your private data and I RECORDED YOU (through your webcam) SATISFYING YOURSELF!

Seeing as I keep my webcams covered with a microfiber hood unless in use for video calls, again, nope!

After that I removed my malware to not leave any traces.

No traces because it was never on my computer to begin with.

I can send the video to all your contacts, post it on social network, publish it on the whole web, including the darknet, where the sick people are, I can publish all I found on your computer everywhere!

Go ahead… I dare you.

Only you can prevent me from doing this and only I can help you out in this situation.

But wait! There’s MORE!

Transfer exactly 1400$ with the cryptocurrency DASH (DSH) to my DASH (DSH) address.

It’s a very good offer, compared to all that horrible shit that will happen if I publish everything!

You can buy DASH (DSH) here: , , , or Google for other exchanger.

You can send the DASH (DSH) directly to my address, or create your online wallet first here: , or download and install your hardware wallet EXODUS first from: and then send to mine.

My DASH (DSH) address is: XnfypYUMso855erq8vmsdGcFPcnWeUh1G4

Copy and paste my address, it’s (cAsE-sEnSEtiVE).

I give you 2 days to transfer the DASH (DSH).

You’ve got a better chance of seeing God.

As I got access to this email account, I will know if this email has already been read.
If you get this email multiple times, it’s to make sure you read it, my mailer script has been configured like that and after payment you can ignore it!
After receiving the payment, I will remove everything and you can life your live in peace like before.

Next time update your browser before browsing the web!

If you think I believe this, I have a big green statue in New York Harbor for sale… cheap!

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Silver linings aren’t always great

Had the MRI on my left knee after an exam by Mr S (osteo surgeon)

My silver lining is this: if it wasn’t for the lack of sensitivity/feeling in my left leg because of spinal surgery 9+ years ago and the nerve damage occurring when the disc collapsed, requiring said surgery, I would be in considerable pain.

You see, my left knee is bone on bone, with the small exception of an itty bitty piece of meniscus on the outside left of the knee. The weight bearing inside right of the knee.. it’s gone.   I also have nothing but serous fluid behind my knee cap.  Yup, I need another knee replacement.

So, my ‘silver lining’ is preventing me from feeling pain.  Mr S said I would know when it’s time.  Right now, I can get around without much of a problem. And since I am still struggling with the nerve pain, and recovery from the surgery for the compartment syndrome, I’m rather grateful for my dead-ish feeling leg.

On happy/sad news, I got a stainless steel bracelet for “Keito’s Heart Pendant”.   I also had his fur filled pendant engraved with a small ornate K and Ziggy’s fur filled pendant engraved with an equally ornate Z.  I’m still crying about the loss of Ziggy and Keito.  Last week, I got tired of waiting for the mythical “time” to be found to help me, so dug a hole in the back yard, sprinkled some of both Keito and Ziggy’s ashes in it, and planted a young rosemary shrub.  I cried my eyes out afterward.  I miss them more than I thought I would, especially Keito. 

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Keito is home

Keitos Urn

I’ve placed the toy mice he would hoard, and the laser pointer that gave him so many hours of play time trying to catch the red bug next to his urn.  My heart is both breaking and numb at the same time. 

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